Sitting up, drinking coffee when I really ought to be getting ready for bed. I have to be up at 3:45 tomorrow morning so I can leave by 4am and be to work by 5am. As long as it's not pouring, I'm going to walk. ^-^
But alas, my whirling brain refuses to let me sleep. I've been thinking for the past few days about my decision to go to school to be a pastry chef. And now I'm not so sure what I want to do... again. I can't seem to make up my mind. Meh...
One of my biggest concerns for that career path at the moment, is that after two years of (expensive) education, I'll be making less than I make now... I know that money isn't everything, but I want to make sure that I can live off of what I'm making. Adding several thousand dollars of student loans to my dept pile without assuring myself of an increase in pay once I'm done doesn't seem terribly wise at the moment.
What else am I thinking about doing? Well, I know that I do NOT want to be an RN in a traditional healthcare setting. However, I am interested and looking into Naturopathic healthcare... I would need to get my bachelor's degree before I'd be able to apply for the program I've been looking into. Britt pointed out that I'm only one class away from having all my RN prerequisites finished, and then if I get my RN and then BSN, that would cover my degree needed for becoming a Naturopathic Doctor.
But the very thought of going through nursing school makes me want to panic and die... Eek...
I've also got the problem that my GPA tanked when I was in school but really depressed. I massacred a few classes, and it'll probably take me a while to get my GPA back up to where it needs to be in order to be accepted into several of the programs in Portland (yeah, we're still eventually going to move... we're aiming for this coming Spring).
I'm feeling pressure (from myself) to figure out what the hell I want to do and then DO IT. I'm not getting any younger... and the thought that if I were to have to start all over, take 3-4 years to get my bachelor's then 4 more years to get my ND, I'll be 36 (at the youngest estimate) by the time I'm done. Yes, I know that 36 is still young... I'm just struggling with feeling like I've wasted the past 9 years waffling about what I do or don't want to do, and not really going to school for anything. I could just kick myself... meh...
There's also the option that I get my bachelor's in something other than nursing. The only requirement is that it be a BA or a BS. The upside of getting a BSN is that I'd be able to work as an RN while I'm in school, even if just an on call position.
I want and need to make a decision and then go with it. I'm scared, I think, to make a choice... I know that I'm not stuck in whatever I choose, but there are so many things I'd love to do, I don't know how to pick one and just DO it.
One thing I'm going to do right now is stop drinking coffee, take a shower and go to bed. My head hurts after all this... =_=