I had many wonderful plots & plans for the beginning of this new year. Of course, nothing has turned out quite how I planned it (big surprise, I know...)
I finally chose my One Word, which is "Follow-through" btw, which is why if I promised you a holiday card, it's still coming... just late (another big surprise I'm sure.)
There's been so much going on that I've been feeling a bit overwhelmed. Ok, completely overwhelmed, in ways I've never been before. I think part of this problem is that several weeks ago I went to the doctor for my med check up. Everything was going well and I was quite happy with my medication & dosage. Then the doc (she's actually a nurse practioner, but whatever) told me that the pharmacist had called her & told her that she'd put me on too high a dose of citalopram. Um, excuse me, what? Apparently the highest dose is 40mg, but she had me on 60mg. She said that even though I was suffering no adverse side effects, we either had to lower the dose (which hadn't worked & was why we upped it to begin with) or try a new medication. So now I'm taking buproprion. This seems to be working as far as I can tell, so I'm not complaining. My only problem is that now I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms from the citalopram.
My only symptom seems to be shockwaves that seem to run from my head out through my hands & abdomen. This is mostly just annoying, but now almost any time I move, stand up, sit down, whatever, the shockwaves just radiate out. If I move too much, they make me nauseous. I was doing some research & found that side effects from stopping SSRIs last from a few days to a few weeks or months. Usually not any longer.
I've also been feeling the past few days like bursting into tears at random. This is fine at home, where I can openly cry to my heart's content & have an understanding partner. When I'm at work, however, it's more difficult. In bed meeting tonight I'm almost had tears leak out. I couldn't get out of that room fast enough. Sigh.
I've been avoiding my blog, because I didn't want to write anything while I was feeling crappy & feel like I've once again let people down by not getting my holiday cards out on time. It's made me feel a wee bit better knowing that I'm getting them their cards, even if they're massively late. It also makes me feel better to know that everything I do this year will be done with my One Word in mind. That is my biggest goal, to finish what I start, to do what I say I will, and to do these things in a timely fashion, whatever that may be.
I'm glad I didn't wait any longer to come back to my corner here, and now sitting here at my desk at work I feel a little better. I'm trying not to cry again (this is getting ridiculous...) and have my mini laptop resting on the awesome valentine's day gorilla that Britt brought me. ^-^
He's awesome. Wearing red boxers & holding a rose. Her visit tonight perked me up considerably.
Ok... now that I've got all that shit off my chest, I feel so much better. I wonder why it is when I need my blog the most I hide from it? I don't know. But hopefully in the future I'll use my blog for the reasons I started it: as a place to clear my mind & a place where I can just be me, good, bad or ugly.
Here's me & my monkey:
Alrighty. I'm off to indulge myself & catch up on all the blogs I've been missing. My monkey & I are going to sit here & drink coffee & read blogs until I have to actually get to work. ^-^
I've missed you guys & am happy to be back here again.