It's been what, 11 days since I was last here? It feels like months...
School's just about done for the quarter, with only two more classes (read: two more finals...) to go. I'm thrilled, 'cause I need a break.
Britt's dog (and mine by getting with her almost 8 years ago) died on the 11th. She lived with Britt's parents, as they have a nice yard & a house, and we have a slightly less than 500 sq. ft. apartment. Britt rescued Maxxie when she was a puppy from an abusive home. She picked up the puppy, took it home & her parents fell in love & let her keep her. ^-^
Maxxie was 15 yrs old, and had lived a long, happy & terribly spoiled life. She died of some kind of cancer though, which filled her body with grapefruit sized tumors. It was horrible to see her weak. The day before the day before she died, we went up to the house & stayed with her that day. I carried her up & down the stairs so she could go to the bathroom outside. She could hardly walk. My heart broke into a million sharp, awful pieces.
On the 11th, we went up to spend the day with her again. She hadn't moved in over 24 hrs according to Britt's mom, but lifted her head & wagged her tail when she saw Britt. They had one of the amazingly special bonds... ^-^
We helped her drink some water & rolled her over to her other side so she wouldn't get pressure sores. She seemed much more comfortable on that side, so that was a small happiness.
We left the house at about 1400, as Britt has to work at 1900 and hadn't slept yet. We'd headed up to the house as soon as we'd gotten off work at 0730.
Maxxie died at 1910 that evening, and I drove back to the hospital where we work to tell Britt. We'd both known it was coming, and she died comfortably snuggled in her bed, so that was a small blessing. She went to sleep & dreamed herself through the door to other paths.
I offered to go bury her that night, but Britt's mom said that they were going to wait until morning.
The next morning I went back up to the house & helped Britt's dad bury Maxxie. Britt stayed home, as she didn't want to remember her dog as anything but the living ball of furry love that she was. I totally understood. I, on the other hand, feel a need to care for the dead & dying. This is one reason I am going to become a Death Midwife & a hospice nurse. I feel called to care for the dying & then the body after they've left, as well as the families & friends who grieve.
It was good closure for me to bury her after wrapping her in her blanket. But it also ripped open the scars from when my cat, Kyo, died in 2008, followed four days later by Aunty Mel. Both from cancer. Both nearly undid me. Both still feel raw & heartbreaking. I still cry over my cat. He was a piece of my soul that died.
So now that I'm in tears, I'm done for now. I had hoped to post something a bit more zen, but that will have to wait for later. To everyone who has lost anyone to anything, especially cancer, I'm sending you love & hugs.