I went to my first meeting this evening for the community garden that a local Lutheran church is planning. I'm terribly excited, as I've been wanting something like this for a while, but didn't know how to start/where to start. Now it's started, with people who have land, resources, etc. & I'm super stoked! It's still in the planning phase, but they're moving quickly so we can plant this Spring. ^-^ I'm hoping I'll be able to get a plot, as I'm very limited on what I can grow on my porch (it faces North & doesn't get much sun...) but would love to grow more veggies.
After the meeting, which went wonderfully, we had dinner with some of the other church members who were there for choir practice, etc.
I suppose I should back up & say that one of my best friend's (Lauren's) family belong to this church, and that's how I was notified about the garden.
So I ate dinner, which was tasty, with Joe, Renee & Katie, Lauren's parents & sister, and then Renee asked me if I was going to stay for the service.
Apparently they have a 15 minute song & prayer service every Wednesday. I can only imagine my deer-in-the-headlights look...
Renee said she'd really love it if I stayed, so I stammered something & she told me to go sit with Jessie (who is super nice & friendly), but who I don't really know at all. I was going to stay, just to be nice & make Renee happy (she's like a second mom to me...), but once I walked into the sanctuary, my chest got so tight I was having trouble breathing. So I gave her & Joe hugs & told them I had to be getting home.
I would dearly love to know why the prospect of sitting through a church service (even a short one) gives me an anxiety attack. I feel utterly ridiculous. I grew up going to church every Sunday, from infancy through high school. But I feel such an aversion to being a part of a service, that it's something I feel physically. And I feel terribly silly because of it. >_<
So here I sit, still feeling like I'm going to toss my cookies, waiting for my coffee to warm up so I can cuddle with a nice, big mug & chill the fuck out.
It's times like this I think I might need therapy for issues from spending my childhood as a Christian, amongst other things pertaining to Christianity that give me anxiety or panic attacks... And I feel utterly foolish.
Especially because these are some of the nicest people I know. At least I know it's not them, but rather the institution of The Church that I have the issue with. Whatever my issues, I still feel like a ninny. But off to my coffee & perhaps to go snuggle Britt before she heads off to work for the night & I do homework & clean.
Here's hoping y'all are having a wonderful Wednesday! ^-^