Tonight is leaving me a bit subdued. One of Britt's uncle's sisters is in the ER right now, going to be admitted as a comfort care patient & won't be leaving the hospital. She was diagnosed with cancer (I'm not sure which kind) a few months ago, and it's apparently a rather aggressive form.
I felt aweful becuase when I went down to see her, I looked in the room & thought I'd gone to the wrong one... She used to be so tiny with long black hair... Now she's bald from all the chemo & probably doubled in weight. I didn't recognize her.
Even though we aren't close, I still know her & her kids pretty well. I like her a lot & it hurts to see those I love in pain.
She was telling Marci, her daughter, that all she wants is to have the doctor put her to sleep & not wake up. It breaks my heart she's in such pain that she wishes nothing more than to die.
Last time she was in the ER, she told Britt that the day before, she'd been out playing basket ball with her grand kids, and now she's just like Mel.
I'm worried about Britt, as she's still not fully recovered from Aunty Mel's death.
My head hurts... In a day or two or three, Carmen will fly free. So I mourn a little for her, but mostly for her family.
To make matters worse, one of Carmen & Uncle Herman's brothers really hates white people... Britt went up to see how her family was doing when another of Uncle Herman's brothers was in the ICU, only for him to try & kick her out, demanding to know who she was, what she was doing there, etc. He's in the ER waiting room now, was kinda horrible to her when she went out to check on the rest of the family & refuses to talk or look at her. Sensless hatred like this... I just don't understand. She's upset about it too, which makes me even more upset. I can't comprehend hating someone I don't know, who has never wronged me or my loved ones. I just don't get it. My heart breaks for him.