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Thursday, August 26, 2010

Rant warning...

I'm feeling drained... And terribly frustrated. And powerless. And angry. Really. Fucking. Angry.

On top of this, I am now certain that my camera is toast... le sigh... -_- #

Back to my frustration... I've been reading a book by Starhawk, one of my all time fav authours. Dreaming the Dark: Magic, Sex & Politics. I'm about half way through, and I'm really liking this book. If you haven't read it, go out, buy a copy, borrow a copy from someone, whatever & read it. Please.

Again, back to the frustration... Over the past year at my job, amoung other areas of my life, I've been forced to come to terms again & again with the apparent fact that just becuase we're necessary, doesn't mean we're important.

This has made it even more difficult for me to like my rather dislikeable job, and not flat out hate it.

This is making me angry, as I see it all over the hospital. Power-over... People treating other people as if they don't matter based on what job they do.

In order for our hospital to run well, every single person employed here is both necessary and important. That is why our very jobs exhist.

I see this every day, everywhere I look. And I don't know how to change anything but myself. I know that I can't change anyone but myself.

In all honesty, however, I am scared to lose my job. I have a good job for going to school that pays ok & has benifits. I'm terrified of losing this. I almost lost it the last time I stood up & said that I refused to be walked all over, when I insisted that I too mattered. That I was important...

I'm at a loss here. I don't know how to change things, because those in power do not want things changed. It would mean less money, less power for the few. And that terrifies those with said money & power.

I'm kind of rambling here, because I don't have all the thoughts sorted out in my head yet... I have somewhat vague, half formed thoughts flitting about, ranting, raging around in me...

The biggest thing I have an issue with, I think, is that I don't know what to do to make things better... To make things right.
In a place where care of people is supposed to be paramount, seeing all this bullshit, all the bad decisions being made due to "the budget" is maddening.

Charge nurses shorting their units to save money. Managers doing the same thing. Managers who are so out of touch with what's going on in their unit. People who just don't give a flying fuck.

There is no sense of community, no sense of compassion. We have no morale, so to speak of.

And I'm just so frustrated. And I feel so powerless. And I don't know how to fix things, even the things that I personally am capable of fixing. And that, THAT, is what makes me so angry.

I don't feel like I'm finished here... But I'm at a loss for what to say...


  1. Ugh. That sounds damn horrible! It seems a lot of work places function that way. I don't think there is one place I've worked where there isn't someone lording their power over everyone. There are so few people and places that respect their employees and don't treat them expendable pieces of garbage. I'm sorry that you're going through this. Its horrible that you've stood up in the past and it almost cost you your job. No one should ever be punished for trying to make a situation better. Wish you the best!


  2. Hon, it all comes down to Management. They are so badly fixed in their ways that if you try to change something for the good of the hospital, you end up getting canned. Everyone suffers from the idiots at the top. So stop driving yourself insane over it (that's my job). Just do what you can...make teensy weensy changes that they won't notice until they are in place and working well.I did that in my lab and supervisors took the credit. I didn't care, because what I did was making things better.

  3. Ah, a difficult situation to be in. One of the things I've learned in my 47 years of life is that I can't change what anyone else says or does. I can only change myself.
    If you want to affect large changes then you need to get yourself into a position of power to be able to do that. In your case you'd have to become the boss who makes the decisions. That may mean more education etc. If you don't want to do that then you only have two options. One to complain and hope you aren't sacked for it or to feel sorry for the poor idiots who treat other people like crap and get on with your job to the best of your ability without letting it affect you.
    Good luck cause none of the choices are easy ones.

  4. i could tell you soooo many stories of being in the exact same position... we'd be here all day!!

    of course, all of my jobs have been unimportant in the grand scheme of things -but the one i quit last year was just like yours - there was a person in charge who was the epitome of INCOMPETENT and to keep her power and position she just stirred shit up to keep the rest of us moving and on our toes to make her look good.

    i quit that job. 4 years too late, but i did it.

    i know how hard it is to be in a position where you need your job - and especially if you are going to be an RN, i suppose working in the medical field now is a must - but just keep in mind ( and i realize it's a tough thought ) that you really can't do anything to change the way the place is run at this point. the best advice i can give you is to take care of YOU. that's really all that matters. no one is going to look out for you except YOU. so do that.

    people like us, who are good people and really care about what happens around us are few and far between. and taking it home with you will wreck you. you're giving them too much of yourself.

    i know it's hard to muddle through each day thinking you don't matter - but you do - and the people you matter to are the most important, not the ones who are afraid of so much that they have to make life miserable for everyone around them.

    good luck!!!!


Out with it!